Getting Hit Below the Belt

 beltWe cannot change anything unless we accept it.

C.G. Jung, Modern Man in Search of a Soul

 

We cannot change something if we are not aware that something is amiss. Awareness of our bodies is critical—especially when it comes to cancer. Awareness of, and then acceptance of anything amiss can be life-saving. The earlier a dis-ease is caught, the more easily it is healed.

September is Gynecologic Cancer Awareness Month, created to help everyone become more aware of women’s cancers below the belt.

Symptoms can include unusual periods, bleeding after menopause, pelvic pain or pressure, a rapidly growing uterine fibroid; even back pain or bloating. Here is a chart outlining the symptoms for these various cancers: http://www.cdc.gov/cancer/gynecologic/basic_info/symptoms.htm . Learn the symptoms and watch for them. If they crop up, please go see a gynecologist.

During 2001 I had a dream in which I was warned I could get punched in the gut. Eight years later I had stage 4 uterine sarcoma. This year about 59,000 women will be diagnosed with uterine cancer, and one in six will pass from it.

Ovarian cancer is the second most common gynecologic cancer, affecting about 21,000 new patients. And about two-thirds will pass from the disease because it’s usually caught when already spreading.

Cervical cancer comes in as the third most common, with 12,000 new cases identified. About 4,000 will lose their lives to it.

Vulvar cancer will be diagnosed in about 5,000 women, and about 1,000 will succumb; and 4,070 will be diagnosed with vaginal cancer, which will claim about 1,000 lives.

Watch for symptoms. Be aware. If you notice something, accept that it is there. Get it checked. It could save your life.

Thriver Soup Ingredient:

Knowledge is power—patient power, says Annie Achee, president of the National Leiomyosarcoma Foundation. If you hear a woman talking about symptoms of gynecologic cancer, please suggest getting them checked by a physician.

Sources:

http://www.foundationforwomenscancer.org/about-gynecologic-cancers/

American Cancer Society, Inc.

Ways to celebrate the birthday of a deceased loved one

cupcake selfie Laura webMy peace is the legacy I leave to you. I don’t give gifts like those of this world. Do not let your heart be troubled. Do not be troubled or fearful.

John 14:27, The Voice, Christian Bible

 

My friend Laura wrote out this verse and gave it to me on what should have been my son Brennan’s 21st birthday. Peace is a lovely legacy. I have some peace around his passing, and appreciate her encouraging that gift within me.

Laura and I met when our boys attended preschool. She came by this past week with several goodies for a celebration of sorts—flowers, bubbles to give away as random acts of kindness in honor of Brennan, incense and a candle we lit, and, of course, a dark chocolate bar to soothe my aching soul.

We went to Loveland Sweets and I bought candy Brennan would have liked so I could later share it with my other son. Laura, recalling Brennan’s pirate party when he was six and his love for money, bought giant foil-wrapped chocolate coins—pirate booty.

Brennan enjoyed the yellow homemade cakes I made for him each birthday–a pirate’s island one year, a rocket another year. This year I didn’t want to bake a full cake for two people. Instead, Laura and I went to a bakery. She found the perfect cupcake for us to split—yellow cake, white frosting with sprinkles, and the words “happy birthday” on top. I could not have planned it better.

We sat in the bakery and sang “Happy Birthday” together, out loud, to Brennan. Then we split the dessert.

I am grateful for the thoughtfulness of my friend. She really helped me get through the end of my day so I didn’t have to spend it alone. Her gift of presence soothed my spirit and brought me a small measure of peace.

Thriver Soup Ingredient:

Celebrate your deceased loved one’s birthday with gratitude for the role he or she played in your life and the opportunity to spend at least a measure of time together. Prepare one of his or her favorite foods, or even an entire favorite meal, as my friend Connie does. Set out another place setting for your loved one. Invite her or his presence while you eat. Sing happy birthday—why not? Maybe your loved one really still is with you.

Thriver Soup Thursday–Birthdays and the After Life

Field_of_HotepO ye judges, ye have taken Unas unto yourselves, let him eat that which ye eat, let him drink that which ye drink, let him live upon that which ye live upon, let your seat be his seat, let his power be your power, let the boat wherein he shall sail be your boat, let him net birds in Aaru, let him possess running streams in Sekhet-Hetep, and may he obtain his meat and his drink from you, O ye gods.

The Abode of the Blessed, “The Papyrus of Ani,” The Egyptian Book of the Dead

 

The Egyptian Book of the Dead explains the afterlife and its challenges to those souls who move into the netherworld. The judges in the Beyond are asked to bless the traveler Unas with things he will need to survive on the other side.

I cannot give my deceased son anything on the other side except continuing expressions of love. Yesterday was his 21st birthday. What to do?

I had signed up to start tai chi again with Grand Master Vince Lasorso at Whatever Works Wellness Center in Cincinnati, and our first class fell right on Brennan’s birthday, so I sent a brief message letting Vince know.

His response was perfect: “Great. What better place for you to be than at tai chi on Brennan’s birthday? I’m sure he will be happy that you’re taking care of your health. The roles have changed; he is your guide now.”

Yes, the class was a perfect start for my day. I learned a great deal about how to maintain health in my body, at the cellular level, deeper even than through the elimination of inflammation. Vince gave us two hours of fascinating teachings about the body that gives me much to ponder, along with an exercise for raising more vital energy in my body. I believe Brennan, who now is far more wise, is pleased with my choice.

Then on to my psychotherapist’s office to talk more about Brennan’s passing—to discuss how hopeless his situation had become and to express gratitude that he is no longer suffering. It is an interesting place to land after more than a year of grief. It’s sort of like my own afterlife—after life with Brennan.

I have choices in my after-life. I can victimize myself with unending grief or I can bodily experience the emotion of sorrow without thinking about it. I can refocus my thoughts on being fully present when his energy presents itself, rejoicing in his stability and the end of his suffering, and on blessing Brennan with love, enriching his experience on the Other Side.

Thriver Soup Ingredient

I think one of the worst things we can do with our grief is wish ourselves gone. This most likely is not pleasing to our loved ones. I believe those who have gone before us want what is best for us. If we can focus some energy on taking good care of ourselves, then we will have more energy for the living—including, and especially, ourselves. This energy can be used to advocate and work for those who are in similar circumstances.

Sources

  1. A. Wallis Budge, trans., The Abode of the Blessed, The Papyrus of Ani, The Egyptian Book of the Dead, 1895. Retrieved 8/25/16 from http://www.sacred-texts.com/egy/ebod/

https://www.britishmuseum.org/pdf/3665_BOTD_schools_Teachers.pdf

Image: Published by James Wasserman; facsimile made by E. A. Wallis Budge; original artist unknown [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

Thriver Soup Thursday–Sharing Kylee’s Happy Place

If one speaks or acts with a pure thought, happiness follows one, like a shadow that never leaves.

Dhammapada 2

 

Buddha was described by his contemporaries as “ever-smiling.” He knew the secret to true happiness came from pure acts and thoughts.

Kylee's Dancing AngelsKylee Brooke Webster found her ever-smiling, happy place when she danced, and made a career counseling adolescent drug addicts.

Unfortunately, she was diagnosed with an undifferentiated sarcoma in 2011. Two years later she danced her way beyond the veil of tears.

She keeps dancing, though, through a foundation established in her honor during 2014. Kylee’s Dancing Angels assists other sarcoma patients with finding their happy places by providing financial support so they can do what they love.

I am most fortunate to already be in my “happy place,” free of evidence of highly undifferentiated endometrial sarcoma and free of medical treatment for five years. I contacted Kylee’s Dancing Angels to see if they could help me give copies of Thriver Soup: A Feast for Living Consciously During the Cancer Journey to other sarcoma patients to increase their chances of getting to their happy places.

Because of the foundation’s generous grant, a limited number of free copies of Thriver Soup now are available to leiomyosarcoma (LMS) patients in the continental United States through the National Leiomyosarcoma Foundation (NLSMF).

Kylee’s older brother, Allan Webster Jr., wrote, “Kylee loved to read and I know she will be smiling, knowing she is helping you help other sarcoma fighters with ideas on how to improve their journey with sarcoma.”

Thriver Soup Ingredient:

If you are a leiomyosarcoma patient or know someone who is, in the continental United States, who would appreciate ideas for how to get to a happier place, please contact me for a free copy of Thriver Soup. A limited number of copies are available. We ask, in exchange, that you write a thank-you card to Kylee’s Dancing Angels and make a donation if/when you are able to NLMSF for LMS research.

To donate to Kylee’s Dancing Angels to help other sarcoma patients, please visit http://www.kyleesdancingangels.org/.

Sources:

Müller & Maguire, 2002, http://www.pursuit-of-happiness.org/history-of-happiness/buddha/

Thriver Soup Thursday–So this Writer Walks into a Chocolate Bar…

The divine drink, which builds up resistance and fights fatigue. A cup of this precious drink [cocoa] permits a man to walk for a whole day without food.

Montezuma, Aztec Emperor (c. 1480-1520)

 

20160624_135358I agree that chocolate is heavenly. This summer I sought the sublime through a self-styled safari for savoring some sensuous sweets.

First stop: Pittsburgh, to visit my friend Judy and give my talk, “Subduing the Cancer Dragon,” at the local cancer patient organization.

Judy directed me to the local chocolate store and I bought a couple expensive bars for us to indulge in.

“Life is too short for cheap chocolate,” I told Judy. Turns out it wasn’t an original utterance, yet we enjoyed repeating it.

Then off to Long Island for ten days, with frequent jaunts into Manhattan. One day, armed with my mapped-out list of chocolate boutiques, I boarded the train to Penn Station, then the subway heading to the farthest location. I meandered to each boutique on my map, filling little sacks with truffles to savor as I walked.

After several hours I strolled into La Maison du Chocolat and noticed a short set of stairs going up to another room with chairs and tables. I wandered up and into my first chocolate bar.

It was a cocoa lover’s paradise. The extensive menu featured chocolate desserts, including a page dedicated to their truffles paired with teas.

Fortunately I had walked for hours without getting lunch. I sat down and ordered two desserts—an almond-flour chocolate cake and La Traviata, their best seller.

For an hour I surrendered to a sensual and sublime sugary samādhi.

Filled with divine refreshment, I continued my trek into boutiques and back to the train station. Yup, I could walk all day on chocolate. And walk all day for such a precious, divine treat.

Thriver Soup Ingredient

If you love chocolate yet want to limit your sugar intake, I found that for me, chocolates sweetened with erythritol were the best non-sugared treats. A good option for an occasional treat might be dark chocolate made with organic raw cane sugar.

To avoid gluten, dairy, cane sugar, and soy, I make my own fudge. Combine 1 cup each of organic coconut oil, raw organic honey, and raw organic cocoa powder. I add a teaspoon of vanilla flavoring and lots of organic, raw pecans that have been soaked overnight in salt water, then dehydrated. I mix it well, then store it in my refrigerator for an occasional treat.

Thriver Soup Thursday–She’s not The Statue of Liberty

Enlightenment is man’s emergence from his self-incurred immaturity.
Immanuel Kant (1724–1804), in his essay, “What is Enlightenment?”

statue crown webThe philosopher Immanuel Kant gave this answer to the question “What is Enlightenment?” in an essay published during 1784, nearly 100 years before the Statue of Liberty was built.

But “Statue of Liberty” isn’t the true name of the giant green goddess-like figure overlooking New York City’s harbor area. She was officially named the statue of “Liberty Enlightening the World.” I realized during a recent trip that to call her simply “the Statue of Liberty” is to miss the point of her name. The liberty she represents has a defined purpose—to bring enlightenment the world.

The copper colossus, designed by French sculptor Frédéric Bartholdi, was intended as a 100-year birthday present from the French to the people of the United States. Construction of the statue and the pedestal was completed in 1886.

Originally the statue stood for shared political freedom between the United States and France. Poet Emma Lazarus expanded this view to include hope against external sources of tyranny:

… Here at our sea-washed, sunset gates shall stand
A mighty woman with a torch, whose flame
Is the imprisoned lightning, and her name
Mother of Exiles. … “Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!”

Yet “liberty” and “enlightenment” mean so much more.

Kant had put the word enlightenment into a personal context a century earlier. “Enlightenment is man’s emergence from his self-incurred immaturity.” Kant’s motto of enlightenment was “Sapere aude” – Dare to be wise.

As humans take more responsibility for their personal lives, they find more freedom within themselves to act from a place of authenticity. This brings more awareness into their lives, which in turn spreads more light to others. When enough people experience this internal freedom, then perhaps humanity will reach a critical mass in consciousness and the whole world will experience more freedom, maturity, and wisdom.

It must start with each of us as individuals. Do I dare to develop the courage to emerge from my self-incurred, self-limiting immaturity? Do I dare to be wise?

I wasn’t ready to tap into my deeper levels of courage until my cancer journey forced me to dare to emerge from my self-incurred immaturity. Right after the sarcoma diagnosis in 2009, when I was in New York City, I apparently was ill-prepared for the privilege of visiting Liberty Enlightening the World. Unbeknownst to me, I first needed to grow up and heal my life. I missed the last ferry to the island that year, and put a visit to the green queen on my bucket list.

When I visited her this summer, five years into Radical Remission, I was ready to receive the full impact of her message of internal liberty and the resulting enlightenment that can be shared with the world.

I even ascended the double-helix passage up to the crown for an in-spirational view from on high.

And so I share Liberty Enlightening the World’s message: Dare to break out of self-incurred immaturity. Dare to be wise. Dare to lift your torch beside your own golden door and open it to share your brilliant light with the world.

Thriver Soup Ingredient

If you want to climb to the crown of the statue, purchase your tickets several months in advance. Only 500 people among the thousands who mill around the pedestal are allowed up into the crown each day.

Sources

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Answering_the_Question:_What_is_Enlightenment%3F

http://fiveminutehistory.com/liberty-enlightening-the-world/

Thriver Soup Thursday: Go Ahead–Walk on Water

So Peter went down from the boat and walked on the water, to come to Jesus.
Matthew 14:29, Christian Bible

peter jesus walking water copyOne night Jesus strides on the surface of a lake toward the boat containing his disciples. One of the passengers, Peter, also wants to walk on the water. For a short time Peter has the faith to move across the choppy surface. He steps completely outside his comfort zone, completely outside his way of perceiving the world, and does something extraordinary. He is truly alive for that brief moment.
I want to fully live my life, which is a longing that springs from years of deadly uterine cancer treatments and threats of hospice. This attitude has helped me face down many things I previously had feared, and to try new experiences my former self would have done anything to avoid.
Prior to 2009, I would never have considered driving in downtown Manhattan, New York. Especially during rush hour.
Well, in June I chose to drive through Manhattan to get to Long Island. After getting lost and rerouted, guess what time I pulled onto the Big Apple? 4 p.m. Just in time for rushing waves of traffic.
Ahead of me there was not a single accident on my route to the Queens–Midtown Tunnel. There were two.
My sister suggested I take a Zen approach and simply allow. So I did, settling into the fact it could take hours to traverse a handful of city blocks. Yet I also decided I was going to be something new, something different, something I had never tried before. I chose to be a bad-as_ behind the wheel.
My brother-in-law had demonstrated how to drive in Manhattan when he helped me get around for my visit to Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center during 2009. Be pushy. Honk plenty. Don’t give any room. So I picked up his procedures.
I’d already blared my horn for several minutes to get my sister’s attention so she could find me sitting in a traffic lane. I didn’t budge out of anyone’s line of driving until she was safely buckled in next to me.
At one intersection I crossed only partway and sat in a traffic lane, blocking the perpendicular flow. A man in a big black SUV in an oncoming turning lane honked at me, trying to inch his way in front of my little gold Prius. I crept forward. He yelled at me through his open window and tried again to edge me out. As I was able, I moved forward a little more. This scene continued for several heated minutes.
Finally he gave up. He called me an as_-hole (worse than bad-as_), pulled back and passed behind me. “Oh, Ohio! No wonder!”
I chuckled. I had been enough of a bad-as_ to rouse swearing in another driver. I had stood up to a big bad truck with a driver who might well have rammed my little car. I had played with a Big Apple Boy and hadn’t let him cow me.
Like Peter, I followed someone’s example of living life more fully, and moved completely out of my comfort zone. I faced my fear. And I didn’t sink.
Buoyed by my little personal triumph, I trickled my car forward, eventually got through the tunnel, and made my way to our accommodations.
I had lived fully in those moments. I have no desire to repeat them, yet I have added fresh, new experiences to this adventure called life.
Thriver Soup Ingredient:
Is there something you’re afraid of trying, yet know you would be glad you did? Don’t focus on the fear. Focus on the end result—the feeling of satisfaction of having faced the fear and triumphed. I see this as a way of walking on water ourselves.
Sources:
Lamsa, George M. Holy Bible: From the Ancient Eastern Text: George M. Lamsa’s Translation From the Aramaic of the Peshitta. Harper & Row, May 8, 1985.
https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File%3AMielno_witraz_Piotr_chodzi_po_jeziorze.JPG

Thriver Soup Thursday–What Gives Light Must Burn

What is to give light must endure burning.

Viktor Frankl (1905 to 1997)

Viktor Frankl endured Nazi concentration camp life for three years, losing his wife in the ovens. This experience helped him eventually develop Logotherapy and Existential Analysis, using the heat of his suffering to bring more light into the world.

Extreme temperatures, sometimes ranging around 3,000° F, are needed to burn silica sand and metals to create the beauty of stained glass, which is used to provide light in many houses of worship.

st paul tree window webMy son Brennan tried to burn things to get light into his dis-eased mind. Cigarettes. Marijuana. Heroin. It didn’t work beyond a temporary false fix. It only darkened his thoughts further and led to his demise a year ago.

Could I find a stained-glass window that represented him to bring light into the darkness of my pain? I went on a hunt this past June. By a quirk of fate, I walked into St. Paul’s Cathedral in Pittsburgh.

And found it. A small window sitting above a rack of large white candles.

The primary image is of a tall tree in the center, representing me on my cancer journey. When I was diagnosed, Maria Paglialungo drew a tree of life on my hospital whiteboard and urged me to tap my roots into Mother Earth for sustenance. The scraggly black-and-white image from the beginning has been transformed into a straight, lush tree, full of vibrant color.

A brilliant white star streams light onto the tree. To honor the one-year anniversary of Brennan’s passing, my friend Judy Peace gave me an astrology reading which layered Brennan’s life with mine. The primary gift she saw Brennan giving me in this life is illumination for my life’s path. And this star in the window is like Brennan, now in the heavens, shining his light on my life.

On each side of the tree is a fleur-de-lys, symbol for the Christian godhead held together by Mother Mary; symbol for the Boy Scouts, of which Brennan was a member; and the same symbol that was embossed on the mysterious gift I received this past Christmas.

The flame of my son’s love keeps shining on my burning grief, and I am grateful.

Thriver Soup Ingredient:

There are many houses of worship with gorgeous stained-glass windows. If you look around, you might find an image that has a meaningful symbol for you. Perhaps light a candle near it.

Source:

http://renegadeartglass.net/about-us/techniques/stained-glass/

 

Thriver Soup Thursday– Can Our Prayers Influence the Deceased?

The greatest method of praying is to pray the Rosary.

-St. Francis de Sales (1567–1622)

Mary being crowned
Mary being crowned

Is the Rosary, a series of meditative prayers, the greatest method of praying, as this 16th century saint proclaimed? If so, would using the Rosary–or any other method of intercession–have any influence at all on the deceased?

What are your thoughts on this?

St. Francis de Sales must have had some reason for making this seemingly absolute statement. Catholics say the Rosary using a string of beads to keep track of where they are in the process so they can free their hearts and minds to focus on the connection this method makes with the Divine. Each prayer of the Rosary is said to represent the offering of a rose to Mary, mother of Christ, and when the cycles are completed, the person has symbolically given Mary a complete crown.

Maria Luisa Giuliberti, my former neighbor, asked if I would like to come pray the Rosary with her to mark the one-year anniversary of my son Brennan’s passing. Sure!

Synchronistically, Vince Lasorso, a tai chi grandmaster in Cincinnati, sent me a draft of his book, Healing through the Heart of Mary: A Miraculous Journey to a New Spiritual Way. “Mary teaches us, from her supernatural perspective, a spiritual process, The Rosary, that enables us to meld the two realities [the supernatural and the mundane] together in our lives,” he writes, “[to] heal ourselves, our loved ones, and our world through a heart-driven technology of inner peace and resonance.”

Maria and I sat at her dining room table and she showed me a pamphlet containing the rosary prayers. We set the intention of praying that Tristan would let go of shame, guilt, and remorse, and to experience peace. Holding our rosaries, we intoned together for an hour, raising up our intentions and prayers.

I am grateful to my friend for remembering the anniversary and for her willingness to spend time praying with me on my son’s behalf. What a beautiful gift. Was it the greatest method of praying for my son? Did it have any influence on him? I don’t know, yet I felt like I had done something meaningful, a gift from my heart to his and Mary’s. That is enough for me.

Thriver Soup Ingredient:

If praying the Catholic rosary interests you, here is a link to instructions and prayers: http://www.catholic.com/tracts/the-rosary

Sources:

www.catholicgallery.org/quotes/quotes-on-rosary/

Francis de Sales, a Catholic saint, was a Bishop of Geneva.

Vince Lasorso, Healing through the Heart of Mary: A Miraculous Journey to a New Spiritual Way, draft, pg. 7.

Tapestry: Cleveland Museum of Art

Thriver Soup Thursday–Save Lives by Raising Awareness

sarcoma ribbon copyWe must recognize that the suffering of one person or one nation is the suffering of humanity. That the happiness of one person or nation is the happiness of humanity.

The Dalai Lama

Some diseases receive enormous amounts of media attention. Others are sidelined or not even recognized by most people. I had never heard the word “sarcoma” when suddenly I was thrust into the world of a terminal diagnosis with a few months to live.

What if I had known that my symptoms indicated severe danger, when I thought I was just having perimenopausal symptoms? How many lives can be saved by raising awareness so others can avoid the devastation I was fortunate enough to have lived through?

I had an incredibly rare sarcoma—and only one in 100 cancer diagnoses is for sarcoma, which is cancer of the connective tissues. The Sarcoma Alliance and Sarcoma Foundation of America want to raise awareness about this disease to help others recognize it and get treatment fast to save lives.

These foundations are asking the White House to name July as Sarcoma Awareness Month. At least 100,000 petition signatures are required by July 29, 2016 for the White House to consider this initiative.

Please sign the petition and share it with others.

Alongside this petition is a movement to name July 15 as LMS Awareness Day. LMS is short for leiomyosarcoma, a rare and deadly cancer. Ask your state legislators to pass resolutions similar to one passed in Michigan (email me and I’ll send the sample to you). Then ask your federal legislators to support this at the federal level.

The suffering of each individual with a rare disease does affect us all at some level. Advocate for others, and they will probably advocate for you as well.

Thriver Soup Ingredient

Here is a link to contact information when advocating to your elected officials: https://www.usa.gov/elected-officials

Sources:

www.ineedmotivation.com/blog/2008/04/20-wise-quotes-from-the-dalai-lama/

http://www.shutterstock.com/pic.mhtml?utm_campaign=Bobek%20Ltd&utm_source=39150&utm_medium=Affiliate&tpl=39150-42119&id=163453907&irgwc=1