Ten years ago, my CT scan showed a cancerous half-inch nodule squatting on the pulmonary vein next to my heart.
After two years of sarcoma treatment, I had just used up my last chemotherapy option. Now what? I felt so screwed.
Five weeks later, when surgeon Patrick Ross operated, that bugger had swollen to 2.5 inches.
That’s aggressive growth.
I can’t tell from the surgical report if he even got clean margins. Who could, with such a dangerous location?
During my post-operation appointment, the nurse practitioner told me she’d seen situations like mine for thirty years. “You need to get back on chemotherapy or get ready for Hospice.”
My mouth went dry, my throat constricted, and my pulse raced. If the nurse was right, I would probably be dead within a few months.
OMG, NO… I had boys to raise and books to write and life to live.
I soon saw my psychotherapist, who witnessed and guided me as I allowed the terror to simply be in my body. Then it flipped into anger, and I stopped breathing, except for quick gasps. Finally, she returned my mind to the room. I shook and shuddered, then relaxed. My chest tingled and emotionally I felt nothing. Then I moved into peace.
Tai Chi Grandmaster Vince Lasorso later pointed out to me how easy it is to slip into feelings of hopelessness, powerlessness, emptiness, loneliness, and being forsaken. No one can face death with you—it’s a solitary assignment. A dark depression, induced by the chemicals of medicine and mind, can extinguish all faith.
“It’s during these times when one must look to the light,” he wrote. “Reliance on God can change your course at any second.”
He was right.
Despite the dire warning, I continued healing my life in every way I knew how, clearing out emotional garbage and removing what Vince called “bad thinks.” Generous and gentle people helped me every step of the way.
Ever since that terrible day in 2011, my scans have been completely free of any evidence of cancer. And I have also been completely free of all cancer treatment.
This month it’s the Perfect Ten (years)!
I find this truly miraculous, not only because of the deadly and persistent diagnosis I had, but also because I have remained healthy despite going through a divorce and losing my 19-year-old son to a heroin overdose in 2015.
Medical treatment bought me time. All the inner healing work I did, and my deepening connection with the Divine, kept me sane and safe.
I now offer what I learned through Cancer Survival Coaching. If you or someone you know would like a free initial consultation, feel free to call me at 513 444 0190.
I also will be speaking on “A Conversation with Dis-ease” at noon on Sunday, November 21, 2021 at the Body Mind Spirit Expo, Sharonville Convention Center in Cincinnati.
I look forward to connecting!